Ojos Que No Me Miran

I can’t help comparing myself to Susie Salmon from “The Lovely Bones” sometimes. I mean, the scenes where she is seen starring at Ray. The times when she talks about him and the amount of time she had spent thinking about the length of Ray’s eyelashes or “counting” them during library time…and I feel silly at the thought. The thought that I can understand how innocently into him she is.

He was my Ray.

My time at the place where we would go for homework was spent starring at him as he studied Anatomy and occasionally I’d hear his laugh while he talked with his friend. It was seeing the way he’d stare at his friends with the brightest smile I had ever seen while they talked to him. I wondered what it was like, to be looked at like that. It was me being curious as to what type of music he was into whenever he’d put his headphones on. It is seeing him get up off his chair and me having to look away really fast as he walks past me so that he never knows I stare.

Have you ever looked at someone and it felt like a song was playing in the background? His was “Requiem On Water” by Imperial Mammoth. He walks in slow motion, to me. He blinks slowly and suddenly I feel like I am, too. I am slowed down, too. Maybe that is why it isn’t tiring to have my chin on the palm of my hand while I watch his smile form and his eyes glisten. He makes the rest become blurred, become grey. Everyone is grey, colorless, meaningless. Not him, he was as vibrant and saturated as could be. The brightest one in a crowd.

It’s spent trying to come up with different scenerios in my head until I come across one that suits me to approach him but not one ever does. So I sit there. Pretending to listen to what my friends are saying as I continue to wonder about the kid who I have become strangely interested in. I sit there waiting for him to look but he never does.

I sit here, waiting. I wait until his eyes look up and both of our eyes meet in hope that one day so will we.